Monday, December 14, 2009

Your Momma Taught You Better than That – I Hope

Bottom line: It’s none of my business if Tiger Woods has slept with 1 or 100 women during his marriage. He took a vow to be faithful – and he clearly skipped over that part without nary a nevermind, as my mother, the original Evelyn would say. So what happens between the sheets (or anywhere else for that matter) – is really between Tiger, Elin, his wife, and what appears to be a host of lawyers all salivating at the big bucks to be made for lurid stories.

Shame on them all.

But here’s where I’m going to be judgmental. Yep, I know 'tis the season to be forgiving and indulgent of transgressions – look for the good in mankind, yadda, yadda, – but actually let me make it clear I’m talking woman-kind. Frankly, these party girls are trolling the Internet, sharing the intimate details of their sex lives with a guy whose only claim to fame is that he can hit a golf ball far and accurately. He did not, I repeat, find a cure for cancer. And these women? They intend to make big bucks by sharing their sordid stories. Hmmmm, this sounds suspiciously like the old story told about Winston Churchill.

Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill… Well, I suppose… we would have to discuss terms, of course…
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Socialite: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.

Because the truth is – even if Tiger Woods is the sleaze of the Western World. Even if he is motivated by sex addiction, opportunity, an ego the size of Sweden or Florida – even if he totally amoral and has absolutely no compunction about screwing anything that even remotely interests him – Women, you still should know better. You should still have your own moral compass. You should still tell a man who has two children under the age of three, that whether or not his wife understands him (and who the hell cares if she does); even if his wife is thrilled that he’s found some outside interests and hey this all just a business arrangement (and try explaining that to a three year old!) – any woman given the opportunity to sleep with Tiger Woods should have sent him packing faster than a New York minute because it’s just plain wrong. Not fuzzy-fuzzy wrong, not even close to where anyone should wonder on which sides the angels will come down – nope, put two kids in the mix, and the deal is over. You want to fool around, Tiger, get out your prenup papers, figure what it’s going to cost you, and get a divorce – then fool around with whatever idiot who is willing to put up with you.

And women – you’re not entitled to money for putting out. You can dress that up any way you want to try – but at least my Momma knew exactly what that was called – and it ain’t pretty. Being sexually liberated doesn’t mean you can take advantage of another woman’s family or life. Go find your own man – no matter what story some guy is peddling.

I can write on and on about how this is a media bonanza comparable to Tickle Me Elmo in terms of sales. But the truth is deeper. We need to respect each other’s lives – and in this case – I haven’t seen a sense of honor among any of these thieves. For shame!

Marian aka the Northern Half of Evelyn David


  1. I agree wholeheartedly. Now we've got a woman who says she was with him when his father died and added the wholly boring fact that "he eats cereal." Sounds like a winner to me.

  2. Fantastic post......and it's about time someone said it!

    I am sick of all of it!! Plain and simple...he cheated on his family but the girls he cheated with shouldn't be given a free pass either....they were out for a good time and what money could provide.

    My parents always said, "If it isn't yours, leave it alone". Of course they meant objects/money.....but it goes for relationships too.

    If he/she is's OFF LIMITS...regardless of their 'story' or money!

    Thanks for telling it like it is!

  3. I'm not sure what's in the water, but it seems like we're growing hos faster than anyone knows what to do with them. Too bad all those reality shows and entertainment shows (because calling anything "news" anymore is a misnomer) are so eager to give these losers air-time. Just plain yuck all around.

    On that happy holiday note...


  4. Thank you. I couldn't care any less about the Tiger debacle. It's of no consequence in my life - not my health, not my bank account, not my personal security. The only thing that's affected is my mood. I'm cranky about all the press being afforded to all the players. These women were with Tiger because he's got fame and fortune and somehow they want a piece of it. As long as people will listen to their stories, they'll continue to talk.

    Can't we bring shunning back into fashion?

  5. The worst part is what kind of disease he may have brought home to his wife. (I'm not just talking AIDS--there are so many new ones out there now including one that causes cervical cancer and a lot of young women are getting it.)

    TV has definitely changed people's morals--or maybe just let us in on how loose people are.


  6. I just read that Ashley Dupre, former callgirl (at least, I guess she's "former") and ex-mistress of Eliot Spitzer, is now an advice columnist in the New York Post. Who's she going to give advice to...Tiger's "ladies"??? Oy and double oy!