Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I started to write about different kinds of friends, but then I realized I'd gotten too specific about a certain type of friend who is kind of a downer to be around and realized she just might read this blog post. I would never ever want to hurt her feelings, so I'm going to try again.

What kind of friends do you have?

Over the years I've had some interesting varieties. One of my very best friends turned out to be what they call a fair-weather friend. I stuck by her through all sorts of her family crisis and a few of her personal ones, but when something tragic happened in my family she disappeared from my life.

Since that time, I've never had another "best friend." Instead, I've got many friends from all over. There are friends that I only see once a year when I got to a Mayhem in the Midlands--dear friends who are not writers but readers. I look forward to spending time with them and sharing at least one meal somewhere in Old Town. They are much younger than I am and I enjoy being with them.

I have dear friends who attend the same church with me, ones who I can count on to listen when I need a friendly ear and I'm there when they need the same.

And how about the friends we never see? Like the friends we've made on this blog. It's been a joy to learn more about each and everyone, to find out how they feel about things with a perspective much different than my own.

When I was much younger, I had an older friend who mentored me with my writing. In fact, I learned more from her about writing than any class I ever took or book that I read. She's moved too far for me to see her in person anymore, but she's still going strong nearing 90. And yes, we do email one another.

Many years ago, I worked in the nursery at church with an 80 year old woman who I truly admired. We became great friends and giggled about some of the silliest things while caring for the little ones.

Now I'm at the other end of the scale--being one of the older women--and I have friends of many ages and love and enjoy every one.

I am still careful though, I limit the time I spend with the complainers and the whiners--life is too short for that. But when you spend time with someone who is fun, can laugh at themselves, is loving and enjoys life--you feel so much better yourself.

Not sure there's a point to this, but it is what I felt like writing about today.

Anyone have any thoughts about their friends?



  1. Hi Marilyn, Your timing on this post is really good! I've been in flux with a friend of mine for a few months and have felt the gamut of emotions. Your post put a lot of that in perspective for me. I think that this friend has always come to me during her times of crisis and then when everything has been "fixed" she more or less disappears. I have tried to reach out on multiple occassions but have been turned away.

    I suspect that it is time for me to invest in other friends and and not hang on to the ideal of the "best friend". There are a lot of wonderful people out there and I need to begin taking steps in that direction. Thank you for writing!

  2. Hi Marilyn,

    I enjoyed this blog, even if I'm coming late to the party. My last best friend was in college, then it seemed I never had the time or maybe desire to invest in that kind of friendship again. Then about six years ago I met my co-author on line. Believe me, after writing two books together, you either become close friends or wicked enemies! Marian is my best friend. And the strangest part is that I've never met her. Or maybe that's why it works so well! Of course it's kind of hard to say, "lets go see a movie" (and fight about the movie) or "can I borrow your ..." wait - that is why it works so well!

    aka The Southern Half of Evelyn David

  3. Nice post. The best friends are the ones that leave you feeling fuller when you leave them and not drained.

  4. Kwana, well said! I second that!


  5. I have certainly walked away from one-way friendships over the years. I had to for my own mental health. Others I have confronted with the I honestly feel as if I am not getting the support I need from you talk. Those are hard but sometimes people just need to be made aware of behavior.

    And the one thing I tell all my friends upfront is I dont accept lies. And I mean it.