Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Holiday Strategy

It’s that time of year again. The holidays.  Starbucks is apparently hating Jesus because they continued their paired back design aesthetic and put out simple red cups.  (Yes, because from hell’s heart they stab at Christians with a red cup filled with the artfully foamed blood of the saints – muwahhahahahah!!) Black Friday ads are starting to pop up everywhere (stampede!!) and relatives are booking flights and scrambling to arrange schedules so that everyone can see everyone and be annoyed by everyone all in a very short amount of time.

As yet, I have made no moves on the great holiday game board. I’m still trying to determine strategy. Do I try and ride the “I have a baby” thing for another year and do practically nothing? Or do I pull out all the stops and try to get the best gifts EVER for everyone?  Should I shoot for every holiday party I’m invited to, or do I try and find out everyone’s dates in advance and RSVP according to the level of food awesomeness at each?  Generally, I try and do a really fun Christmas card, but that takes energy, forethought, and great idea for some artwork.  Maybe I’ll just skip that one and move straight to the Christmas letter stage where I make friends and relatives barf with the saccharine sweetness and absolute perfection of my life. BECAUSE YOUR ENVY FEEDS MY SOUL. That’s definitely what the holidays are all about, right?

Below are the following factors I’m using for determining my holiday event strategy:
1.  Pie. 
  • Is there pie?   If the answer is yes, move to the top of the list.
  • Is it home made?  If the answer is no, then I don’t go.

2.  Sleep.
  • Will it cause my baby to be awake far longer than a tiny human should be?  If the answer is yes, your event will not be considered.  Unless there is enormous amounts of pie.

3.  Husband.
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly is he going to complain about this event?  If the answer is ballet, then he will not be attending.
  • Can I bribe him with pie?

What are your strategies for coping with the oncoming storm?  Hunker down or go fly a kite?  What is your favorite way to do the holidays?

Bethany Maines is the author of the Carrie Mae Mysteries, Tales from the City of Destiny and An Unseen Current.  You can also view the Carrie Mae youtube video or catch up with her on Twitter and Facebook.


  1. The red cup thing is so silly. I'm a Christian and never go to Starbucks, but it has nothing to do with the color of their cups--they are too expensive. I can get something that tastes better cheaper at Panera Bread and yes, McDonald's.

    1. The whole kerfluffle is ridiculous! Starbucks has NEVER had Merry Christmas on it's cups. Move on people - it's made up drama at a time when we should be concentrating on Donald Trumps hair.

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  3. Hysterically funny post! I'd definitely ride the baby excuse for one more year :-)
    I've done the "perfect gift for everyone" only to watch as family tore the wrapping off en mass with no idea of who bought what. One year we pulled names and everyone had a set limit. Ridiculous. We were exchanging $50 gift cards. I'm now of the less is more mindset. It's one day and there are far too many expectations that can never really live up to the ideal. May your holiday tree be a merry one.

    1. Thanks Judy! The public opinion pole seems to indicate that I can ride the baby excuse for at least another year. Plus, everybody just wants to see the baby anyway. ;)

  4. Delightful post. Must be fun at your house.

  5. We have a subdued Christmas, some of the relatives come to the house Christmas Eve--money is what I give. Everyone seems happy about it. I'm just glad to see those who come.