by Linda Rodriguez
Right now, I’m in the middle of a book. Actually, I’m
usually in the middle of writing a book or about to finish a book or about to
begin a book. It’s the cycle of life for writers, especially novelists. The
middle of the book, though, is the hardest because it’s where it all begins to
break down or bog down or seems to. I know of very few writers who haven’t
faced despair, or at least mild depression, somewhere in the middle of the
book.
That brilliant idea that sent me excitedly to the keyboard
to start this journey of words seems further away from actuality than ever.
It’s very hard work to try to get it on paper and make the reality the reader
will find on the page match up to the beauty of the idea in my head—and of
course, none of us ever quite manage it. That’s part of the reason why we keep
trying.
Right now, though, I’m struggling as I try not to drown or
suffocate in all the thousands of words I’ve typed and continue to type, which
seem more and more shabby and mundane—and very far from that shining thing in
my head that I’m trying to make real on the page. I’m tired and overwhelmed.
And I just want someone to come take this magnificent idea and make the book
for me. Isn’t it enough coming up with such a grand concept?
For a moment, I revert to the childlike person who
approaches writers so often to say, “I’ve got a great idea! You can take it and
write it up into a book, and we’ll split the profits.” We writers shudder when
such people come around, not wanting to insult them with the truth—“You want me
to do all the work and share my money with you?”—or—“Buddy, getting the idea’s
the easy, fun part.” But at this stage of the book, I have brief stressed
moments of the same kind of magical thinking.
I turn to some of my favorite writers at times like this.
“It is only by writing, not dreaming about it, that we
develop our own style.” – P.D. James
“A work in progress quickly becomes feral. It reverts to a
wild state overnight... it is a lion growing in strength. You must visit it
every day and reassert your mastery over it.” – Annie Dillard
“One word after another. That’s the only way that novels get
written and, short of elves coming in the night and turning your jumbled notes
into Chapter Nine, it’s the only way to do it.” – Neil Gaiman
I go back to the mess of a manuscript because that shining,
brilliant edifice in my head will never become real to anyone else if I don’t
slog through the swamp of the middle and get it down on paper. And I hope that
some little sliver of its real gorgeous beauty somehow ends up sparkling on the
pages of the finished book. Never enough of it, of course, because that’s the
impossible dream that all we writers chase, but some small gleaming piece.
If any of you are facing the
same situation, please realize that it’s pretty universal among those of us who
try to write novels. We know we can’t recreate that perfection on the page, but
we have to give it our best shot. Because even our imperfectly realized vision
is still something only we can give the world. To quote Neil Gaiman again, “Do what
only you can do best.”
REPLY TO COMMENTS (because Blogger hates me):
Thanks, Cathy! We've finished books before, so we know we can finish these. Don't we? ;-)
Wonderful words, Linda
ReplyDeleteFrom Cathy, who is wallowing in the depths of mid-Work-in-Process despair!