The other thing I’ve been wondering about since the scandal broke is: What are we currently calling infidelity? And why, overwhelmingly, are men at the heart of these salacious sex scandals? Weiner has vociferously protested that his marriage to the gorgeous Huma Abedin—now pregnant with their child—will not end, and maybe that is so. But did he really think that texting provocative pictures of himself was a minor thing? The number of women with whom he has now been “involved,” albeit virtually, is almost reaching double digits but I think there are still some people out there who don’t think “sexting” is a breach of the marriage vows because there was no physical contact.
I heartily disagree.
A couple of rules of thumb:
-If you don’t want your spouse catching you do it, it’s wrong.
-If you wouldn’t do it in front of your spouse, it’s wrong.
-If you’re doing it in secret, it’s wrong.
-If you deny that you did it, it’s wrong.
Obviously, putting all those things together would indicate that you are either shamed by what you did or afraid of being caught. By very definition: wrong.
Basically, if you can’t figure out how to use Twitter, you really aren’t qualified to do many jobs, not the least of which is New York City mayor, Weiner’s aspiration. Most kids I know are fluent in Twitter. Most of them also know that posting pictures of yourself online, either on Twitter or your Facebook account, can lead to undesirable things happening. Why? Because we’ve told them. We’ve told them to be careful and to not post anything that they wouldn’t, potentially, want the whole world to see. So why does a politician do something so bone-headed?
I’ve been wrestling with this for the past week. Why is it that seemingly not a month goes by that we don’t see a male politician taking to the stage to give his version of events, and his excuses for his actions? Why is it that we rarely—or actually never—see a devoted husband standing beside his incredibly stupid and oversexed wife as she recounts what she did and how she got caught? Sheryl Gay Stolberg tackled questions like these in her recent New York Times article, “When It Comes to Scandal, Girls Won’t Be Boys.” A quote from Debbie Walsh, director of the Center for American Women and Politics at Rutgers University, said it best: “The shorthand of it is that women run for office to do something, and men run for office to be somebody.” The article went on to say that once elected, women feel more pressure to work harder, to prove themselves in a man’s world because even though we’ve made tremendous strides, let’s face it: politics is still a boy’s club. We’re just allowed to play sometimes.
Of course, there are women who cheat, female politicians who have been accused of adultery and other sordid actions, but they are in the minority. And when that does happen, instead of not being surprised, we’re disappointed. As the article points out so eloquently, we expect more from our female politicians.
Ok, so I know that this post has about three thesis statements and multiple main ideas, but that just goes to show you how hard it is for me to wrap my brain around this stupidity. (Or just that I was having an “off” writing day.) Men with beautiful, accomplished wives texting/sexting women they’ve never met…it boggles the mind. Does it really just come down to the fact that these men crave sex of any kind so badly that they’ll risk everything for even a virtual encounter? Are they still the uncool kid at the uncool table in high school, wishing a girl—any girl—would talk to them? Or does it speak to a narcissism so great that they believe that they are invincible? I’d love to know what you think, Stiletto friends.