Thursday, October 30, 2008
The 2012 Amazing Political Race
Political campaigns are too long and we don't get any real details about what the candidates propose to do until the last few months – if then. Let's do it differently next time. Each party gets four players. Plus there are "invitation only" slots (determined by an internet poll).
Instead of campaign speeches and rallies – I propose we require the candidates for the highest offices in the land to run...literally "run" a race and more. May the best man or woman win. (Point values would be assigned to each event – winner 5 points, runner up 4, and so on. Points would be cumulative.)
The first month – Endurance
1. Run a 100 yard dash or a 10K marathon – candidates' choice.
2. The next week we'd move on to bowling or golf.
3. Basketball or tennis next.
4. Balance beam or parallel bars.
The second month – Talent
1. Sing the national anthem in a football stadium.
2. Perform the Rumba and Jitterbug with a professional dancer.
3. Play a medley of Billy Joel songs on the piano, flute, or guitar – candidates' choice.
4. Whistle the theme from the Sound of Music.
The third month – General Knowledge
2. Trivial Pursuit
3. Do You Know More Than An Average Third Grader?
4. I also propose a few "must pass" multiple choice history, geography, and basic science tests.
The fourth month – Writing, Reading Comprehension, and Truth Telling
1. The candidates must sit quietly in a room, with no handlers, read and then write a 3000 word essay on the Constitution of the United States and the Bill of Rights (extra points for good spelling). Maximum time allowed – twelve hours. Copies of the completed essays would be published for all to review.
2. One live "debate" with hundreds of questions will be conducted. Each candidate will be sequestered in a separate "cone of silence." Each would be asked the same question, they would respond to that question. If they don't answer a question, they would be eliminated from the contest immediately by the sounding of a loud gong. If they answer the question, they are returned to their cone. This process would continue until no candidate was left on stage. (Note – points are assigned based on correctness, creativeness, and amusing delivery.)
Points are totaled. Top three get to tour the nation for two weeks, giving speeches, running ads, and slinging mud. Then we vote.