tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post5106935603460484171..comments2023-12-31T20:43:08.499-05:00Comments on THE STILETTO GANG: In Defense of Paranoia and Over-ProtectivenessUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post-69967272806943099122011-07-20T18:33:08.784-04:002011-07-20T18:33:08.784-04:00Just sign me as the equally insane parent. My kids...Just sign me as the equally insane parent. My kids tell me I have an over active imagination, which I do. But you don't have to have any imagination to read a headline like that, shake your head, and simply say, "Because I said so, that's why..." Great post, Maggie!!laura spinellahttp://www.lauraspinella.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post-69555620276138271972011-07-20T17:20:29.978-04:002011-07-20T17:20:29.978-04:00When my kids give me hard time, I remind them of w...When my kids give me hard time, I remind them of what I do for a living and that when you write mysteries, you're always thinking about how things can go wrong for ordinary people. Thanks for writing, Lil; it's nice to know that I'm not alone. MaggieThe Stiletto Ganghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01667670723330755598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post-32060896537977698322011-07-20T17:17:37.979-04:002011-07-20T17:17:37.979-04:00I raised my kids in the suburbs where they went ou...I raised my kids in the suburbs where they went out after lunch and showed up again close to dinner. When I moved to a small town in California, I assumed the same rules applied, and I'll never forget the day my nine year old informed she was off to the local school (two blocks away) alone. I saw take her independence in her hands, and it brought tears to my eyes. Then the day came when some guys on motor cycles buzzed her on the way. We walked her from then on. What was lost was so much bigger than a sense of safety. I became paranoid, and was very protective after that. What a shame that we have come to this-to balance our sense of safety with our justified fears, and our children's need for autonomy.<br />And I don't have the answers either.lil Glucksternhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09288522126331817172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post-15931065888902078772011-07-20T14:22:57.397-04:002011-07-20T14:22:57.397-04:00Maggie, sometimes the big, bad world seems so scar...Maggie, sometimes the big, bad world seems so scary that even I don't want to go outside. I can totally understand your fears. I worry about Ed when he drives 30 minutes north for hockey in the dark of night. I try like hell to wait up until he gets home, even if it's past midnight. And he's 37 years old! My only kids are furry, and they stay indoors. There will definitely come a day when Dea and Patrick understand. Until then, don't feel even the slightest bit bad/wrong/guilty for being such a concerned mom. :-)Susan McBridehttp://SusanMcBride.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post-40393867987906717462011-07-20T11:05:54.876-04:002011-07-20T11:05:54.876-04:00Kids and young people have no concept of danger. W...Kids and young people have no concept of danger. When I was a kid we wandered around everywhere on our own. My only rule was to be home by 5--dinner. When my own kids were growing up, had more rules, needed to know where kids were going but still not as strict as people need to be today. Seems like there are more crazies loose than ever.<br /><br />MarilynMarilyn Meredith a.k.a. F. M. Meredithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04179984154939161530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post-16151907791833139372011-07-20T11:00:03.146-04:002011-07-20T11:00:03.146-04:00Great blog. As the "worrier" of the fami...Great blog. As the "worrier" of the family, I know that some of my concerns are my own craziness. But when it comes to kids, better to err on the side of caution, extreme caution. <br /><br />What breaks my heart is that 99.9% of the time we or our kids can make a mistake, and we live to regret it, learn from it, move on. But once in a while, we don't get a do-over and tragedy unfolds. So very sad.<br /><br />MarianThe Stiletto Ganghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01667670723330755598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post-35817886717428372212011-07-20T09:34:43.800-04:002011-07-20T09:34:43.800-04:00Vicky, well said (as usual). And if you find the ...Vicky, well said (as usual). And if you find the right point between "agoraphobia and death-wish" please let me know, because as you know all too well, I swing from one extreme to the other with no in between. :-) MaggieThe Stiletto Ganghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01667670723330755598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1025201337316610324.post-88300724103131864692011-07-20T09:21:26.401-04:002011-07-20T09:21:26.401-04:00Yeah, Mags, I'm pretty much with you. I get t...Yeah, Mags, I'm pretty much with you. I get the one woman's point about giving into fear, but I think it's smarter and more likely to be a success when we stand up to fear of some types as adults, not as more vulnerable children. I'd rather see parents and those adults who aren't parents do things to "take back the streets" individually and together than see kids sent out like weather balloons to see what the conditions are like out there. People seem to forget that many who seek to harm others do exactly that--they seek and work and plan and wait. It is so often like work to them, with a methodology and a real dedication applied to the target. That, and it seems so easy to me to do little things to let your child grow and be more independent without being unsafe. There are things between the two points on the wide continuum between agoraphobia and death-wish.<br /><br />To keep that thread weaving, I do want to emphasize that I feel that so many of us take that somewhat reasonable paranoia (anyone out there read Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear"?) we lived under as kids into adulthood without growing past it, changing our actions stemming from it. We let people who, criminal and evil though they are, be "braver" or at least more brazen in walking and using our public spaces to make us suffer and lose out. We never stop the open or the covert intimidation. Does that make sense? One illustration is the way neighbors come out and say that the killer next door was always "quiet and kept to him/her self" when the real truth is that warning signs were openly posted for a long time before things turned so wrong. I think we, humans, pretend we didn't see it coming for two reasons: 1) we feel guilty for not stepping up and in sooner and 2) we just don't want to think those ugly thoughts and face those ugly things. Most of us are not evil or cruel or crazy, and we don't like rubbing up against any of those things for real.Vicky Politonoreply@blogger.com