Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Hell What Now?

by Bethany Maines

The Navy SEALs must pass through something called Hell Week in order to become an actual SEAL.  If they can’t take Hell Week they can always ring the bell that signals that they are opting out and then they get coffee and donuts.  For five and a half days the SEAL candidates are expected to operate on four hours of sleep while being cold, wet, and presumably yelled at (since no one seems to do anything in the military without being yelled at).  To this I say… What pansies. 

OK, the cold and wet does sound miserable.  But try operating for three months on four hours of sleep while being constantly yelled at and then having someone puke in your pants.  And in your hair.  And on just about everything else.  Then we’ll talk.  OK, OK, so you can snap a man’s neck with your bare hands.  I can shoot milk out my boob.  What else you got?

All kidding aside, one of the unfortunate side effects of becoming a mother (or probably a Navy SEAL) is that sleep is immediately curtailed. Which makes lots of things, for instance, writing novels and running a business, more difficult. 

Side effects of prolonged sleep deprivation include:
  • Weight Gain
  • Loss of Sex Drive
  • Impaired Alertness, Concentration, and Problem Solving
  • Depression
  • Aging Skin
  • Memory Loss
  • Greater chances of death due to accidents
  • Greater chances of other health problems

It’s not that being a mom is so difficult; it’s that being anything else, while being a mom just increased in difficulty due to our adorable little time sucking children and the constant sleep deprivation.  Which makes every word I type a minor triumph. I will not be ringing the bell today. 

PS Please forgive any typos I may make.  I blame them on my daughter.

Bethany Maines is the author of the Carrie Mae Mystery series and Tales from the City of Destiny. You can also view the Carrie Mae youtube video or catch up with her on Twitter and Facebook.

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